“Be of love a little more careful than of anything.” e e cummings
Visitors often comment how comfortable and cozy our home is. It’s certainly not fancy—modest would be a charitable description, but folks seem to feel at home here as much as we do. I think it’s just the essence of love that permeates the walls. Houses seem to take on the vibes of those who live there. Large or small, elegant or shabby, you can feel the ambiance when you walk in.
My house at the home ranch doesn’t have that comforting feel. It was built the year I left home, and my parents’ relationship was somewhat stormy. When I took it over and made some changes, it took years for the voices of ghosts to disappear. Presently, it has become the wayside inn for me, and whoever needs a stopover. I hope it feels welcoming to whoever needs it, but I’ve never felt really at home there. Sometimes, it feels downright lonely and I find myself hoping that, sometime in the future, a family will live and love there.
All of this begs the question: is there love in your home? Not to say there can’t be controversy, or challenges but, in the long view, do the residents consider, and care for, the other occupants as much as themselves?
Despite all the romantic songs and stories, love is as simple as action. Do you fill up the gas tank for her, start the car to warm up on cold mornings, pick up after yourself, make supper when she’s late coming home from work, help the kids with homework, give her a back rub, hold her hand when you cross the street and touch her hair when you pass her chair? Do you make his favorite meal, even though you don’t like eating it yourself, iron his shirts neatly, act respectfully to his family, even that one person who pushes your buttons, watch sports with him sometimes, even if you’d prefer a chick flick, and kiss the top of his head at the breakfast table? Do you present a united front when disciplining children, and teach them to be considerate of their elders, attend parent teacher conferences together, and take time to read bedtime stories? How many family activities and outings have you done this year? How many date nights have you planned?
Love is a hug for no particular reason, a wildflower picked in the meadow, asking how someone’s day went, and really listening. According to e e cummings, love is mostly just being careful and thinking of things that will please someone. That’s pretty simple, but we’re seldom so careful of love.
For now, many of us are concerned with holiday shopping lists, but really, the best gift for anyone is to offer small acts of love, whether you feel like it or not. Maybe especially when you do not.
Try this: do at least one conscious loving action for every member of your household every day for the rest of this year. Never mind if they deserve it. Never mind if they appreciate it. On New Year’s Day, take time to experience the essence of your home. Decide whether love lives there. If your home feels different, or you do, keep doing loving things. If it doesn’t, keep doing it anyway.
“People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.” The Dali Lama