“A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because one of my bad habits is perfectionism, which drives a lot of people crazy. Constantly monitoring whether I’m on track drives me crazy too, and nothing good comes of any of that. But I do work on weeding out the ones that do the most damage.
Travis Jacobs is the author of A Traveling Guide for Endangered Humans, which has a section on getting rid of bad habits. Go after the most destructive one first, he says. Do whatever you need to do for five minutes and build on that. He also says that most habits involve other people, so if you have trouble deciding what your most destructive ones are, it’s likely the ones that drive your family and friends crazy.
The theme song of all addicts is, “I’m not hurting anyone but myself.” News flash—unless you are living in a cave in the desert there are folks in your life whose hearts are breaking while they watch you kill yourself.
There are other consequences for unwise habits. You may not be considered for some jobs if you’re a smoker. Obesity limits choices in areas of travel and activities, and insurance premiums may be a lot higher. A heavy foot may eventually limit your transportation style. Someone’s constant criticism of your best efforts may result in a decision not to even try. A potty mouth tends to give the impression that you aren’t very smart if those are the only words you can think of to describe your world.
I’m convinced that simply deciding to change a behavior doesn’t work. Generally, I need to find an alternative that’s more acceptable. And that alternative isn’t going to be the first thought in my head. First thought, wrong thought, some people say. It’s going to take at least five minutes to come up with something appropriate, and sometimes the five minutes needs to just be a time out.
By “taking five” sometimes I look at the disarray in my home and decide to abide by my spouse’s philosophy. “It’s happy.” Other times, I toss those scraps of paper, only to learn there was an important phone number recorded on that envelope. If I find myself standing in front of the fridge mid-afternoon, I try to ask if I’m really hungry, or just worried. Recently, I heard someone exclaim, “Holy buckets!” That might be a better response to frustration than what often comes out of my mouth, but it might take five minutes for me to think of what I should say. That’s ok. It’s five minutes that the other word doesn’t pollute the air.
Five focused minutes won’t make me a hero, but it takes some bravery to concentrate instead of pursuing what has been unhelpful. Those little blurbs people send on the internet can sometimes be a mantra. This one came recently and I wrote it down for reference. “Don’t be afraid to start over. This time you’re not starting from scratch; you’re starting from experience.”
Meet me here next week and meanwhile, do your best to take five. Somebody might like it.