Like most parents, I ‘m guilty of having used the generic comeback when a teenager of mine wanted to do something I didn’t think was a good idea. “But everyone will be there,” they begged. And I replied, “If everyone was going to jump off a cliff you wouldn’t do that, would you,” not realizing that of course they would. Nobody wants to be an outsider.
We tend to think everyone is like us. Until we find out they aren’t. There are so many ways this manifests itself. In most any store, restaurant, ball game, or public space there will likely be music playing. For all I know, it’s a marketing tool. But much of the time it’s music I dislike, and playing so loudly it’s nearly impossible to carry on a conversation. So, there are places I don’t eat, even though I like the food. My mother had poor eyesight and never wanted to eat in places with candles on the table and lights dimmed. It’s not romantic if you can’t see to read the menu.
Everyone wears T shirts, right? Not in this house, but we have drawers full of freebies with ads on them. I have bought one or two as souvenirs, and I wear those to bed. Ball caps; I can’t keep one on my head in the wind. Prefer my cowboy hat. Same story, lots of freebies.
We have a refrigerator magnet in the shape of a Husker N. Giveaway, I guess. People assume that all people from Nebraska are football addicts. Not so much here.
When I mention publicly that we aren’t on Facebook, I’m amazed at how many people say they aren’t either. Still, we often miss going to a party or knowing about someone’s marriage or funeral, because folks assume everyone is on social media.
I wonder if these examples are indications that many of us don’t know how to converse, listen, or observe the lives of our friends and family. Are we just in too big a hurry, or don’t we care? We’re constantly prompted to look around. “If you see something, say something.” But so often, when we do see something, we don’t address the issue directly. Your friend seems sad lately. You discuss it with others, but have you asked her if something is wrong, and if she needs to talk? A family member or neighbor has changed, but you don’t want to meddle in their business, so you go on pretending everything is fine, just like everyone else does. You suspect they are using drugs or drinking excessively, and you mention your observations to someone, asking if they have a clue. What really needs to happen is an honest, direct conversation with the person in question.
It takes a lot of effort to consider what other people may need, or care about, and there’s so little time, but that’s a poor excuse. Turn off the social media and look somebody in the eyes. Notice what they like to wear, talk about, or what activities they pursue. Act like you really care. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out you really do.
Meet me here next week, and meanwhile do your best. Somebody might like it.