“Politeness is the art of choosing among one’s real thoughts.” Abel Stevens
I read recently, that not many elements are so fully in our control as how we choose to treat other people. Notice, the key in both of these quotations is choice. I wonder if you, like me, often forget we have these choices. Too often, we bumble along with our own agenda in mind, barely aware of those around us, let alone how our actions affect them.
The other week, at a high school football game, the difference in attitudes was made clear to me. Parking spaces where one can watch the game from the car are pretty limited at the Mullen football field. We like to support the grandkids in their sports when they play at home, but I’m a fair-weather fan. If it’s cold or windy I prefer to watch in comfort, otherwise, it’s the bleachers. This game was homecoming, a grandson was part of the homecoming court, and it was rainy and chilly, so we managed to get a prime viewing spot to park in case I wimped out. A white pickup pulled up beside us while we were still in the vehicle, and the driver got out and knocked on my window.
“Am I in your way there?” he asked. “I can back up some if I’m blocking your view.”
“You’re fine, in fact you can pull ahead a bit if you like,” I replied. “And thanks for asking.”
We visited a while, hoping the rain would continue and we would all end up in our vehicles. Just before the game started, another pickup drove in and parked in front of us both. The occupants got out, went to the bleachers, and never came back. It wasn’t a local license plate; the home folks know better. We invited the first fellow to join us if he wanted, as we could still see most of the field and he could not, but he went to find his usual spot, and another neighbor joined us instead.
I’ve thought a lot about the difference in attitudes between those drivers this week. Obviously, one chooses to consider those around him and the other was focused only on his own preferences. Maybe we wouldn’t have felt insulted if the second driver had had a handicap license plate or sticker, or even if someone had stayed in the rig for at least part of the game. Giving him the benefit of the doubt is difficult, since none of that was so, but I try anyhow. Still, it makes me wonder how often I get tunnel vision and do something similar without realizing I’ve hurt feelings or inconvenienced someone. Probably, the solution is as simple as slowing down our thoughts long enough to make a choice.
No lasting harm done; we were able to watch the game pretty well, and when the rain stopped, got to go congratulate the grandson. Didn’t even knock off his crown when I reached up; way up—he’s tall—for a hug. And hopefully, that night I learned a little more about making choices among my real thoughts.