By Jade Meinzer
I grew up judging livestock in 4-H. Starting in the early spring I would go to a contest every Saturday in a different part of the state and evaluate livestock. We would spend the morning studying the animals, taking notes in each class that we would have to give reasons on later in the day. Every class was different. Some had EPD’s and a scenario to follow so that you could select the animal that best fits the criteria for the given instance. Other classes were market animals that were being evaluated for their conformation and structure to determine which animal was the phenotypically best. I judged cattle, swine, sheep and occasionally goats. In all my years of judging, however, I never once had to judge a class of cats.
I know that there are certain county fairs where kids bring their beloved feline to show at the fair. Now I understand a dog show, agility, ability to follow commands, coat color and many other traits give them qualities that I can relate to and understand. A cat show? Not so much. For starters, how do you even show a cat? They don’t wear a halter, following commands is a foreign concept, and most cats have the attention span of a toddler on a sugar high. Do the owners stand around a pen of cats with laser pointers so they can get them to move around the pen? How do you pose a cat and manage to keep all the hide on your fingers? Most of all, how the heck to you place one cat above the other? I imagine that the judge’s reasons might be something worth listening to.
Well ladies and gentlemen, let’s give these competitors a round of applause for the hard work that they have put in with these animals today. This was a very difficult class today, these cats were all in it to win it and my job wasn’t easy. I’d like to thank the local fire department for rendering first aid to my hand after I slapped the Tabby on the rump to select her as your Champion today. They say the bleeding is controlled with the turnicid but recommend that I see a doctor for stitches after this show. With that being said, your champion is this extremely sassy Tabby. Her claws are far sharper than the rest of the class. The scratching pole didn’t stand a chance when she came around. She also was able to purr the loudest and was the first to catch the toy mouse. In terms of conformation, she still has all of her whiskers, her tail is full length, and she knows how to use the litter box properly. If I could fault this Tabby, I would like to see her show more interest in cheaper cat food. That brand name stuff gets a little pricey. Following in Reserve is the Calico. While this cat excelled in mousing and could follow the laser pointer, the hissing and clawing at the other cats landed him in second place. His ability to pee on windows was the best in the class, but his lack of desire to associate with the other cats couldn’t allow me to place him any higher. To round out this class, we have the grey cat. This cat easily fell to the bottom because of visual flaws. The cat has half a tail from sleeping under the car hood and not getting out in time when the car started and the fan began to spin. He’s also got powder burns from chewing on electrical wires under the Christmas tree. I think this cat has used at least seven of his nine lives and I’d recommend sedation to the owner if they want to sleep safely in their own home. However, this might not be an issue as this kitty is currently taking on two animal control officers and looks to be headed for kitty jail.
Maybe I’ll take in a cat show at a fair this summer. My curiosity is peaked, and I’ve got to know the answers to all my questions. That’s all for this time, remember to support the local youth this summer, even if that means sitting through a cat show. Keep tabs on your side of the barbed wire and God bless!