Just for Fun

Here’s a little bit of spoof from my book Ground Tied. You’ve probably received some annual Christmas letters by now. I didn’t send this one, but it was fun to write.

 

Season’s Greetings

 

Got your annual Christmas letter.

It sounded mighty full of cheer.

I’m plumb glad for your good fortune

Since we heard from you last year.

The kids have done you proud, it seems

And the money’s still rollin’ in.

That new car is takin’ you in style

To fancy places where you’ve been.

Your new job is just fantastic,

Success is knockin’ at your door

So, you happily anticipate

All the New Year holds in store.

 

Well, our outfit’s had its share of luck

But I confess it’s mostly bad.

To say there’s cause for celebration

Might expand the truth a tad.

You surely heard of Grandma’s passin’

In that Christmas Eve reindeer attack.

Uncle Ed saw it; swears that it’s true.

He was home from rehab, but we sent him back.

The calves made it through the blizzard

But then, two thirds succumbed to scours.

My new hired man’s afraid of heights

And won’t climb the windmill towers.

 

Now, we’ve acquired some new additions too.

The heeler got bred by a St. Bernard,

And Sally came home with a catch colt

So here lately, we padlock the yard.

Reuben should be home for Christmas.

We managed to scrape up money for bail.

Seems the calves he trucked in last summer

Was maybe lackin’ a bill of sale.

The cow went dry in September

And the hens ain’t laid since the fire.

Dad’s best horse is wearin’ a cast

From a run in he had with barbed wire.

 

Last summer we saved on repair bills.

When it’s dry, you don’t make any hay,

So, we invested in llamas and ostrich

Cause we heard you can get rich that way.

The cattle market’s bottomed out

And the banker’s remarks I won’t quote

Let’s just say he sort of indicated

He’s thinkin’ of callin’ our note.

Now, there’s a look of doubt in your eye,

As though you think the truth I enhance.

That’s ‘cause you forgot the old adage

That the first liar ain’t got a chance!