Several years ago, one of my friends decided to skip Christmas. No gifts, no entertaining, no parties, no cards sent. She was vocal about it and her decision met with disapproval from all sides, but she held firm, knowing it was necessary at that point in her journey. Her life had been upended by the revelation of unlawful and unacceptable behaviors on the part of people close to her, and personal decisions about her future required her full attention.
Our paths haven’t crossed for a while, but I do know my friend made a fresh start and has the support of healthy people. Maybe she still skips the holiday, maybe not, but what matters is that she stepped off the rat race to become grounded in her truth. She gave me the courage to follow her example this year.
Full disclosure. There will still be a tree at our home, and some Christmas music, various traditional treats, and joyful time with family and friends. I haven’t decided about Christmas cards, but New Year greetings and Valentines in lieu of Christmas cards make sense to me.
What I’m skipping is the shopping, wrapping, and wondering if the gifts will be appreciated, or if they arrive at all, and unbroken.
Our mailbox is full of catalogs and flyers about Black Friday deals and numerous other promotions, but the regular issues of local publications seem to languish in limbo, often getting delivered a couple of weeks late. This prompts me to reflect on why every holiday that has roots in faith traditions has been taken over by monetary madness. Stories of St. Nicholas and Father Christmas were based in benevolence but there was no guilt about giving. Say all you want about it being the thought that counts, but that’s not the message we are given as holidays approach. Get plenty of Halloween candy and costumes, give lots of chocolate bunnies at Easter, and maybe a live one, plus new outfits. Never mind about Thanksgiving, other than to complain about the cost of the meal. Of course, you could always just have chili and cinnamon rolls and play board games, but it’s likely someone will take offense at that simple solution. Here’s a plan. Don’t invite those people next year. No one will tell you this but you really do get to choose how to observe these occasions.
But about Christmas—it’s time to be sensible. Several of my family members have had, or are scheduled for, joint replacements. Nobody feels like traveling, cooking, or shopping. I’ll give cash so people can get things they really want or need, and I hope they will use some of that to help others. There will be donations to honor people I love, and I keep that local. Food pantry for people who love to cook. Pet shelters for animal lovers. Horse Hospice for horse people. Salvation Army, always. They are among the few that don’t waste my donation by sending out T shirts, address labels, or blankets.
I love it when donations are given in our names. There’s nothing we need, but plenty of others are struggling. No matter how you shop this year, I hope you will consider helping someone who can’t pay you back and won’t even know your name.