“We all carry our own deep wound, which is the wound of our loneliness.”
Jean Vanier
“The wound of loneliness is self-inflicted” Anonymous
Maybe it seems strange to speak of loneliness at this season, but that’s because we are all trying to ignore it or hide it, even from ourselves. We’re lonely for people who are no longer going to share our holidays, whether from death or estrangement. For old times, when innocence masked the ugliness that’s always been abroad in the world. For precious places which we will never visit again and, even if we could, we’d find them changed—or is it we who have changed?
We don’t want to accept the self-inflicted part, but it’s a valid point. I was raised never to bother anyone. We are isolated here at the end of the road. Days go by when we never see a soul, and the phone never rings. I have a phone that works, (sometimes,) a vehicle to take me wherever I choose, and people who would like hearing from me, but I seldom even call my kids because they have busy lives and I wouldn’t want to be a bother. It seems wise to avoid night driving at my age, and most activities I would enjoy happen at night. But, in reality, I always have the choice whether to feel lonely or to reach out to another person, who I’m probably not bothering at all.
Bruce and I just had a conversation about taking time to chat a moment with the bell ringer at the store, the greeter at Walmart, a checkout person, or the one stocking shelves. Maybe they get lonely after dealing all day with people who take them for granted. Saying a silent blessing for them blesses us, and we become less isolated and lonely as a result.
We have a lot of neighbors who mind their own business and don’t say much. The coyote that hunts in the meadow, a bunny under the shadow of the garage, eagles who swoop and glide in search of supper, and silent deer who linger by the deck, curious to see what’s going on indoors. If I put expectations on how to alleviate my lonely moments, I’m limiting the opportunities for joy.
Eventually, we will have folks living nearby, and probably see holiday lights when we drive past. I suppose a lot of people in town display decorations in an effort to outdo others on the block, but surely there are some who consider the widow across the street who is no longer able to go all out, but gets a bit of Christmas cheer from wreaths on doors and trees in front windows.
The one sure cure for our hidden wounds is doing a kindness for others. A lot of the joy rubs off on you too.
Gotta go now. There are a couple of people who have been on my mind and it’s time to pick up the phone and bother them.
Meet me here next week and meanwhile, do your best. Somebody will surely like it.