By Jade Meinzer
If you live out here in rural America, there are certain things that you know to be true. The wind is the one thing that meteorologists will always get correct in their forecast, faith is essential to get you through life, and the county roads can get mighty rough in between trips over them with the road grader. I live in a part of the world where there is a lot of sand. This means that the roads change frequently. They develop soft holes that will jerk and pull your vehicle, washboards that will shake your eyes out of your head and washouts that are as deep as a Volkswagen bug.
Our road department does a pretty good job of keeping the roads in shape, but when you figure that this county is mostly in the sandhills, and that there are more miles of dirt road than there is asphalt, that’s a tall order to fill. Add onto that we are a very rural county that relies on agriculture for its main economic driver, there is a lot of heavy truck traffic that runs up and down these roads hauling crops to the co-op and calves to the sale barn, these roads really take some abuse.
One thing that the road department does is put out flags at troublesome areas to warn drivers of the upcoming peril they may face when they travel down the road. Instead of these flags however, I think many of the rural counties in America should post signs that warn out of area drivers just what they are in for when they travel these country roads. The signs could be used for most every county in rural America and they would read something like the following.
Caution: Several miles of dirt road ahead. This is the land of sketchy cell phone service so unless you have the following in your vehicle, do not attempt to travel these backroads. Spare tire, complete with jack, tire iron, and the knowledge to change a flat tire if needed. Four-wheel drive capabilities, rain, snow and sugar sand are all possible on this route. Please know that your low riding car that will high center on a speed bump is not advised for travel out here. During the winter months extra coats, blankets and water should be carried with you in the event you get stranded. Please note that in the event of vehicle failure, you may be stranded for several hours before another traveler comes along. Finally, electric vehicles are not advised as there is no charging station for over a hundred miles.
That sign might require a billboard to print, and there would still be some poor fellow from the big city who would bury his fancy sports car in a soft spot and be stranded for hours without cell service and be forced to walk for help in a snowstorm wearing his flip-flops, hoodie and shorts. Common sense isn’t quite as common as it once was, and as we enter the winter months, I’d like to caution everyone visiting family and friends out here in the boonies. It’s a long way to help here. Prepare for the worst to give yourself a chance in the event of an emergency.
I suppose that’s all for this time, take your time traveling the back roads. Remember that cows and tractors have the right of way out here and unless you know where you are going, it might be best to stick to the highway. These rough country roads can beat the stuffing out of a guy, best to use name brand denture cream and wear a sports bra to hold yourself together. Keep tabs on your side of the barbed wire and God Bless.