It takes half an hour for us to go to town if roads are ok and we don’t encounter herds of cattle being moved, or trucks turning in at the feedlot. I used to plan meals around time travel and the number of errands on the list, but have learned not to turn on the stove until I see the whites of Bruce’s eyes. He often comes in apologizing for taking so long. Usually, he met up with someone he used to work with, or perhaps a neighbor, and stopped to visit. I tell him it’s okay. We need to take time to catch up on what’s going on out there. We are pretty isolated here, being the last people on the road. No one goes past our yard. If you end up here, you are either coming to see us or lost.
In today’s world, everything moves too fast. We are all in a hurry, running behind, or distracted. Bruce’s duties as a county commissioner keep him pretty focused, and he’s gone a lot, so we don’t socialize much. I feel so out of the loop that my standard query to him after he’s been out and about is, “Did you learn anything new?”
When my children were little, their father’s standard greeting after a day in the shop or hayfield was, “What’s new?’ I always replied, “I’ve been cooped up all day with toddlers, and I’m supposed to have learned something new?” Times change, but some things never do. No toddlers now, just me and the dogs and unless they encountered a skunk, there’s not much to report.
If Bruce meets up with a neighbor on the road and stops to chat, sometimes it takes an hour or more, but that’s fine with me. Looking back over the years, my regrets are mostly about not taking time to interact with people around me. There aren’t many of those folks left to answer questions I wish I’d asked.
One of my friends says she learned to listen because she wasn’t part of the popular group in high school. But she noticed that people love to talk about themselves and figured out how to ask questions that drew them into deeper conversations. Another friend says that people tell you all kinds of things they don’t know they have told you. Noticing body language, tone of voice, and even how they dress, gives all kinds of clues about what’s going on in someone’s life. But none of that happens if we just exchange a brief greeting as we pass on the street or in a store.
Too often, our interactions are on social media, where people tell you only what they want you to know. Online dating is simply shopping; until you actually meet the person, you have only seen what they want to show. You can buy the CD after going to a concert, but listening to it never holds the magic of that live performance. There are tons of online support and recovery groups, which can be helpful to those who are isolated or traveling, but the depth of sharing at in person meetings is what really solidifies one’s strength.
This year, resolve to take your time. Spend those extra minutes, or even the ones that aren’t extra, really being present for the people you meet. One day, when they aren’t around, you’ll wish you had.
Meet me here next week, and meanwhile, do your best. Somebody might like it.