By JEN PONCE
One common belief is that poverty exacerbates life stressors and can cause domestic violence and child abuse. While it’s true that statistics show that people living in poverty experience more domestic violence and child abuse, we cannot infer that poverty causes violence.
The most important thing to remember about child abuse and sexual and domestic violence is this: abusers choose to be violent. Poverty does not cause violence, any more than mental health issues, substance abuse issues, or anger issues cause violence against others.
One of the key characteristics of abusive people is their unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions. If there’s a way abusers can excuse themselves from the harm they commit, they do it. “I didn’t mean to hit her, I was drunk.” “I didn’t mean to spank him that hard, I have anger issues from abuse when I was a kid.”
Excuses like these make it seem as though the abuser has no choice but to abuse. This is wrong. We can tell this quite readily by asking ourselves, “Does every drunk person get violent?” The answer, of course, is no. Same with folks who have mental health issues. Same with folks who have past histories of abuse. Some of those people choose to abuse and some do not. The key word is ‘choose’. Abusers choose to abuse.
The way poverty and domestic violence go hand in hand is this: it’s more likely for a victim of abuse to have to stay with an abuser because they cannot afford to get away. Abusers often sabotage job efforts, they take the family finances, they destroy the family transportation or make sure that it’s inaccessible to their partner. They may keep the victim up all night arguing or screaming and that keeps the victim from getting the quality sleep they need to function properly at their job. They isolate the victim, destroy relationships, and generally force their victims to live in a constant state of chaos and fear.
Poverty can create a feeling of hopelessness in victims. They may have already exhausted local financial help. They may not qualify for Legal Aid because they make too much money, but that money is tied tightly to the abuser and they cannot access it anyway. They may have already overstayed their welcome at a friend’s, neighbor’s, or coworker’s house. They may not have the money to fix the car that could get them away, or the money for deposits on an apartment they may not be able to sustain anyway. They may not be able to find a job because they have a poor employment record because of the abusive tactics of their partner.
There are ways to help end domestic violence and child abuse. The number one way we can do this is to always hold abusers accountable for their actions and stop allowing them to make excuses for the abuse. Another way we can do this is provide more resources for poorer victims so they aren’t trapped in violence by their lack of finances. We can create more comprehensive programs to support survivors and children who’ve experienced abuse. We can, as a community, consistently and loudly proclaim our unwavering support for victims while universally condemning the abusers.
The DOVES Program offers support and confidential services to anyone regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, etc … We are available to talk with victims 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via our helpline at 866-95-DOVES, via our text line at 515-599-6620, and M-F 8-5 via our chatline at www.DOVESProgram.com. We can help a survivor think through their options, provide connections to local resources, and safety plan.