As a gift to myself, I’m rerunning a favorite Christmas column from a few years ago.
Remember the scene in the first Harry Potter movie where the Dursley family is celebrating Dudley’s birthday? The actual gifts and the thought behind them meant nothing to Harry’s cousin; it was only the quantity of presents Dudley was interested in. Many of us, parents and grandparents, think we should give our children everything they have on their lists, and each year their lists grow longer. For many families this leads to out-of-control Christmas spending.
Recently I was listening to a story on public radio where the speaker said she and her family had decided to follow the Four Gift Rule for Christmas: Want, Need, Wear, Read. Intrigued, I did a little research. I found the information I was looking for at thepragmaticparent.com.
Corrine, the owner of the parenting advice web site, said this about her children’s Christmas, “Instead of appreciating each gift and feeling the excitement of unwrapping presents, they had set a record for ripping through all the gifts under the tree in record time – hardly even paying attention, or saying so much as a ‘thank you’ for what they’d received.” The next year they cut the number of gifts their children received in half and asked grandparents to only buy one gift per child.
She and her husband devised the four-gift rule. Each child would get something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. They have since added something to do and something for the family.
Want. This is the big-ticket present, something that won’t break and that the child will use or play with all year.
Need. If a child is involved in something like sports or clubs, there are always equipment needs. This category might also include something for a hobby.
Wear. We all think kids don’t want clothes for Christmas, but their clothes are actually a large part of how they express themselves and are seen by their classmates. They may really want name brand shoes, clothes, or jewelry.
Read. I still treasure the books I received as a child, the beautiful hard-bound collections of fairy tales, Disney stories, and the Children’s Treasury of Literature; we used them to read to our children. We grew up with our own cookbooks and an assortment of books about things like space or plants. My sister and I would read the Dinosaur book and argue about whether Archaeopteryx, the flying dinosaur with feathers, or the glider Pterodactyl were birds or lizards. Our family didn’t buy a lot of books; we still used the library every week for our Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys fixes.
The Pragmatic Parent has added two more to their gift rule: Something to do, and Something for my family. Something to do means each child’s gift list could include an activity they and a parent would do together. They might go to a movie, or a special restaurant, maybe camping or fishing. Something for the family is similar, but an activity everyone would do together.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the demands of the holiday season that we forget its meaning. We forget that experiences have more value than things. We forget that we should be more focused on connecting to others. We forget to teach our children that the best gift they can give doesn’t involve money; instead they can give their time to help others.
Remember that Christmas is about giving, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend all your money!