My friend said the process of moving made her unsure of even where home was. A lanky cowboy who was part of the conversation asked, “Do you have a teddy bear or something you like to sleep with?”
“Well yes.”
“Home is wherever Teddy sleeps.”
So, let’s talk about home, since many of you are worried about trying to get home for the holiday. I’ve spent about a third of my life living out of suitcases. Boarding in town to attend school, off to college, as a traveling entertainer, and working several jobs while ranching part time. It’s unsettling, never being quite sure where you belong. Having a foot in both camps means you’re never quite present for the people and situations in either place. Every working mom knows about this.
What does home mean to you? Have you made someplace your own by how you decorate, the furniture you choose, the way you care for the yard, build a room, or a man cave? Do your friends and family like to visit, settle in and get comfortable? That’s all part of it, but the heart of a home is the people who share it. How much time and attention do you give them? Do you sit on the floor and play with the kids, have coffee on the porch with your spouse, make their favorite meals or take on the honey do’s, just because you love being a part of these lives?
Society wants to distract us from this. We hear a lot of talk about how important it is to make family first, but schools, and even churches, do their best to be sure nobody is home to eat supper together, spend weekends doing projects that benefit everyone, or have fun as a family.
Some of us have jobs that require travel, so perhaps we should decide what social activities to limit in order to keep home as a priority. Volunteer work is good as long it doesn’t steal all your personal time. When was the last time you spent an evening with the people who sleep at your home? Took them out for pizza, read a bedtime story, or asked what was the best part of their day? Making a home is hard work and the ways that life interrupts are numerous and subtle. There are many good causes that need our support, and various activities that bring communities together. It’s hard to set limits but if your calendar has something on it every day and you can’t recall the last time you just puttered around and didn’t have to hurry, things are seriously out of whack.
As far as getting “home” for a holiday, let’s decide where home really is. Your relatives might appreciate a visit at a less busy time when you can have real conversations or take them out for some occasion. I once knew a mom who forbade her grown kids to come for winter holidays because she worried about them traveling in bad weather. They decided to gather in summer instead.
My first mother-in-law made it clear that her children should begin their own holiday traditions rather than all descending on the parents, or fighting over whose family they should visit. We spent some holidays together but there was no pressure, and everyone was more relaxed. In retrospect, I have to wonder if she was just tired of doing all that cooking and the ruckus of kids cooped up indoors.
Meet me here next week and do your best to be at home when you’re there.