If you had to sum up in one sentence the main message you got from you parents, what would it be? My mother’s manta was, “Be careful.” Dad’s go to word was, “Figure it out.” That’s probably why I’m hard wired to expect disaster and not ask for help. Express something hopeful and I’ll probably respond with, “Yes, but…”
Try out these sentences.
“She’s pretty bossy, but if you need something organized, she’s the one to ask.”
“It’s awfully windy, but at least we aren’t in a blizzard.”
“Income tax takes a big bite, but I guess paying it means I made some money.”
“Our team hasn’t won a game all season, so our chances for this one don’t look good.”
What do you notice about the first statement in each sentence? Right, they’re all negative.
Too many of us speak this way and it affects how we approach life. Now. Turn the sentences around with the positive point first.
“If you need something organized, she the one to ask, even if she tends to be bossy.”
“Thankfully, we aren’t in a blizzard along with this awful wind.”
“Paying income tax means I’ve made some money, even though it hurts the budget.”
“Our team is due for a win, maybe tonight is the night.”
Negative thinking is a disease that spreads like the common cold. Our minds tend to focus on the beginning of a statement, and most of us tend to express our dislikes and fears first.
I wonder how my life might have been different if my mom had said, “Have fun, but be careful” as I walked out the door. If Dad had said. “You’re pretty smart, but if you need help to figure it out, there’s always someone smarter to ask.” Maybe I would have been less likely to ignore the warning I resented, or panic at the first snowflake. Maybe I would be grateful for the privileges I have that taxes provide. Maybe if we spoke our pride in the effort our team makes instead of grumbling about the losses, everyone might realize that trying your best matters more than winning.
You have to wonder why fear and pride loom so large for so many of us. I don’t blame my parents for the bad decisions I made or the times I floundered. They did the best they could with what experiences they had. They had survived the Depression and Dust Bowl. Fear of more disaster was always nibbling at the edges of consciousness. I was their only child, and probably their hope for a better quality of life if I survived the foolhardy years and applied myself. I disappointed them with some frequency and, looking back, those were also times I disappointed myself.
The path to better is always paved with positivity. We can be a “Glass is half empty” person, or a “Glass is half full” person. Or how about this? “There’s room in this glass for a lot more good stuff.”
Meet me here next week and meanwhile, do your best. Somebody might like it.