“Time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain, therefore, awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters.”
Plato
I was brought up to be a reader. My folks subscribed to many magazines and were always reading. I had my own stack of children’s magazines and one of the earliest ones had a segment called, “I used to think,” where kids could send in evidence of changed minds. It was fun for me to know that I wasn’t the only person who had had silly mistaken ideas about things that were clear as I got older.
Changed minds are a sign of growth but we often judge leaders, or even our friends, for reversing course in matters of politics, a community project, or lesser matters. I hated apricots as a child, as well as broccoli and spinach. My mom would be shocked to know that both are common in my adult diet. On the other hand, I never learned to eat liver and onions, which may prove that there are still closed doors in my mind.
As a young adult, the world seemed plainly black and white to me and I tended to judge people in ways that limited my interactions. I could have learned a lot by simply having conversations about how we differed and why. Hopefully, we mellow as we age. It’s often uncomfortable to be around those who cling to how they used to think. If we value those connections, we learn to avoid certain topics or walk away from a discussion that becomes heated.
One of the things I used to think was that it was my duty to change the mind of someone with whom I disagreed. This seems to be a pretty common belief, judging by the rhetoric of people running for office, broadcasting the news, or selling a product. A couple of options about dealing with that have been helpful. A bumper sticker that said, “Never argue with someone more stupid than you.” Of course, you have a judgement within that. If you consider the opposition stupid, doesn’t that mean your mind is a closed as a steel trap?
The better advice has been to simply respond with, “You may be right.” Doesn’t mean that I think you are right, just that I don’t want to continue the discussion because obviously neither of us is likely to chang our opinion on the matter. The trick here is to walk away when the other person insists on reinforcing all the reasons why he or she is right.
My parents were pretty good at this in certain areas; others not so much. Dad always griped that Mom spent too freely. He was a staunch Democrat and she as staunch in her Republican views. Voting was as sacred as saluting the flag in our home, so they just trotted off to the polls and joked about cancelling one another out. Some things are never going to change. Learn to live with it.
Meet me here next week and meanwhile do your best. Somebody might like it.