Unsolicited Advice

Our breakfast table is the scene of an ongoing discussion about who gets the slice of crust from the toaster, because we both like it. Bruce’s sneaky offer goes like this, “You don’t have to eat that, I don’t mind it.”  I don’t bother with an offer; I just try to get my jelly on it before he sits down. The other day, I asked if he had liked the crust as a kid. He always did, but not me. My parents tried all kinds of things to get me not to leave the crust of a sandwich on my plate. The old “starving kids in China” trick didn’t work, nor did Dad’s prediction that it would put hair on my chest. “It’ll make your hair curly,” almost did, because my hair was straight as a string. But after the hair on chest comment, I tended not to believe any of his mealtime advice.

So, I got to wondering if parents nowadays offer any of the little tidbits my generation grew up with.

I remember being told not to make that ugly face because my face might freeze that way.

When we stuck our arms out car windows to push against the breeze, parents made us quit, claiming someone did it once, and a passing vehicle cut the person’s arm off.

We avoided stepping on sidewalk cracks because it might break our mother’s back. If you put a hair into a glass of water, it would turn into a worm overnight. Not caring much for worms, my friends and I never tried it, or questioned why a tooth in a glass of water could turn into a dime.

In spite of the warnings about toads causing warts, we played with them all the time. There were various cures for warts in case you did get one, but none of them worked, so we just ignored the whole subject.

A penny put on the railroad track was supposed to bring good luck after it was flattened. Of course, our parents didn’t want us hanging around the tracks so we had to be sort of sneaky about getting our good luck charms.

Rabbit’s feet weren’t much of a draw; who wanted to carry a gross looking thing like that around?

I could have made a ton of pocket change if I’d done chores instead of spending all that time looking for four leaf clovers, and I never even found one. Never had much result from wishing on a star either.

We always had black cats around and never minded walking under ladders. I’ve broken my share of mirrors and my luck seems to be about as normal as anyone else’s.

My first wedding was originally set for August 21st because that was my husband’s favorite aunt’s birthday. But the 21st was a Friday, and my mother-in-law to be insisted it’s bad luck to start anything on Friday. She wouldn’t hand you scissors or a knife either. It might cut a friendship, so the item was placed on a table to be picked up by the receiver.

All in all, my luck has been fair to middling. My hair eventually developed a curl and come to think of it, that happened sometime after I developed a liking for bread crusts.