By Leah Hendrickson CSW-PIP, QMHP
The human race has never been more connected to one another. We can reach family, friends and strangers across the world in mere seconds. Despite this alleged connectedness, loneliness is everywhere. The U.S. Surgeon General referred to loneliness as an epidemic that is literally killing us, stating that lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. We all know smoking is dangerous, so why do we ignore the danger of loneliness? Ignoring it won’t make it go away.
Human connection is crucial to our survival, and it isn’t something technology can manufacture for us. Connection allows us to feel seen, heard, and valued. Most importantly, it allows us to feel like we belong. Belonging is a foundational, biological need. We are social creatures who need one another to survive. For early humans, being in a group increased the odds of survival. Rejection meant isolation which, at that time, meant death. No wonder it physically hurts to be rejected or lonely! Our brain is desperately alerting us that we are in danger. We need to start paying attention and stop trying to override the signal.
As a health professional, I have yet to come across a single person who doesn’t feel lonely. Many of us do nothing about it due to fear of rejection, fear of judgment, and a lack of confidence in how to connect with others. So what do we do? First, we need to remind ourselves that we all deserve to belong and to love and be loved. We all have value and no one can take that from us.
To connect and feel we belong, we need to put ourselves out there. Yes, it’s scary and we won’t always be successful but you try anyway. And you try again. Finding common ground and being willing to listen is vital. Listening doesn’t mean being in agreement; it means recognizing and respecting another person’s human experience, allowing them to feel seen and heard.
To feel seen and heard yourself, you’ll need to be a little vulnerable. This is often where people stop. Vulnerability feels like risk, and it is. But it’s a necessary one. Sharing about yourself appropriately helps build trust, and trust is the foundation of any relationship. Start small. You don’t need to bare your soul to a stranger. Tell someone what you’re actually enjoying lately, admit when you’re having a hard week, or simply say “I miss you.” These small acts of openness signal to another person that you’re real, approachable, and wanting to connect. More often than not, they’ll reciprocate.
We also need to be present. This is tough when the world is full of stimuli competing for our attention. We must sit with the temporary discomfort of presence in order to rid ourselves of the chronic discomfort of loneliness. Set aside your device, ask someone about their day, and be curious. Share a meal, go for a walk, play cards, or simply sit with another human being. Take the risk of connection. We already know where loneliness leads.
Leah Hendrickson CSW-PIP, QMHP currently works as an outpatient mental health therapist in Brookings, SD. Leah Hendrickson is passionate about helping others live healthier, happier, and more resilient lives. Follow The Prairie Doc® at www.prairiedoc.org, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Tik Tok. Prairie Doc Programming includes On Call with the Prairie Doc®, a medical Q&A show (most Thursdays at 7pm on YouTube and streaming on Facebook), 2 podcasts, and a Radio program (on SDPB, Sundays at 6am and 1pm).